School

So, the county is going to send Daniel to Paramedic school and they are going to foot the bill.  That is another 6 grand we won't have to pay back, thank goodness. But, it means that we are here for another 3.5 years a least. If they are going to pay for him to go to school they want to use their investment so after he is in school for 18 months he will have to work here for 2 years. By then Eliana will be in school.  I guess I will really start having to make the most of it here.  

The days are getting a little easier though. I am slowly starting to meet a few new people. I want to try to go to church but I am afraid of how my kids would act in a church nursery. Who knows, maybe they will surprise me. All I know is that I need an outlet while Daniel is in school. 

Restless alone...

So, here it is 1:30 am and I know won't be able to sleep. Daniel is working and I can never rest easy when he is not here. Most nights he works try as I might I can hardly ever get to sleep at a decent hour. I lay away tossing and turning until my mind gets carried away with thoughts I don't want to be thinking. Your mind goes through a lot of "what if's" when the rest of the world is sleeping. I finally turn the light on and get lost in a book until I eventually just pass out from sheer exhaustion. 

It's not easy being alone so much. Talking to yourself can make a person go crazy. But, so can a conversation with a 3 year old. Your conversation topics are limited and one can only chit chat so much about the color of the cat. But, being alone and talking to myself is a small price to pay for Daniel's happiness. I am sure as the kids get older and I finally start meeting people in this small small town, the days he works will seem shorter and not so lonesome. I hope that time is sooner rather than later.